Jake Pearson  00:00

Are you trying to figure out the secret to happiness? We're here at What Makes You Happy with Jake Pearson. We want to make that happiness more accessible for you in your life. So stick around as we interview everyday people, inspirational leaders and your favorite celebrities on what makes them happy.

Welcome back to the podcast where we ask the question, what makes you happy? 

My name is Jake Pearson. And today we have with us Peter Quarry, who is a psychologist and author. Peter, how are you?

Peter Quarry  00:35

I am absolutely fantastic, Jake, we've had a few technical problems before starting the interview. And I'm delighted that all it is working. And we're fine. 

Jake Pearson  00:44

We're ready to go. And I think this might be a great episode for you. It's sort of your field of expertise. Peter, what makes you happy? 

Peter Quarry  00:52

Well, I thought about this a little bit before coming on today. And I decided that there are five things that make me happy in no particular order, by the way. 

1. First of all, remembering things that have happened in the past that cause me to be happy there. I mean, I'll give you an example. The other day, I was rummaging around looking for some stuff. And I found some old photos now when I talk about old photos I'm talking about when I had blond hair down to here, right? I mean, this is the situation that you know what I'm saying. So these were very old photos, of the old printer type. And I was kind of going through them. And I was looking at places that I visited, adventures that I'd had, loved [phonetic 01:29] ones that I've had. And you know, I was like, oh, yes, that's right. It's very hard not to be happy. When you remember something, remember a time when you were happy. So remembering things that you've done in the past that cause you to be happy-- great source of happiness. 

2. A second thing is, I mean, that's kind of looking at the past, I think another way of being happy is to think about the future. And to kind of anticipate things that are going that you know, are going to happen that are going to cause you to be happy. So for example, I usually go to Thailand, once a year, haven't been for two and a half years because of you know what I'm going in a month's time. And when I imagined that scenario of checking into the hotel, going to the beach, and throwing myself into a beautiful, warm, green, soft water. And then kind of coming out and turning around and looking back at the beach and seeing the swaying palm trees and the little funky restaurant that I'm going to have a cold bear at in about half an hour. I can't tell you how happy that makes me feel. So thinking about something in the future that you know, it's going to cause you happiness. 

3. A third source of happiness, for me is-- Look! I'm sure many of your other people who you've interviewed have mentioned, this is the idea of being in the moment. And you know, everyone thinks it's a new idea, this idea has been around for 1000s of years. I mean, when I trained as a psychologist back in the 70s, we call it being in the here and now. But it's the idea of smelling the roses. And I guess what I want to say to some of the people watching your podcast, Jake, because I know they're kind of your age, get off the phones, you know, like you're constantly on the phones, now you can't smell the roses, when you're playing a game that looks as if you're killing fruit. I mean, I was at the beach a couple of years ago in Thailand and there was this magnificent sunset. And there were some young people sitting in front of it, and they were on the phone. And I had to constrain myself not to go up to them and say, put your phones down just for one minute. And you look at this beautiful sunset. I mean, I don't know maybe they're watching the sunset on the phones. But that seems to be a little bit ridiculous. So being in the moment is number three. 

4. Number four for me is I think I know I get very happy when I'm doing something that I do really well. Now there's a psychologist with a totally unpronounceable name that starts with a C that I won't even try to pronounce it. He talks about flow, this idea of when you're doing something that you're really good at, you kind of lose a sense of time and space because you're so totally engrossed in it and really enjoy it. I mean, for me, one of the things that I know I do reasonably well, feel free to disagree if you want to, is talking about psychology, and kind of psychological issues. And I love appearing in the media and I do lots of podcasts and stuff like that, and I'm reasonably good at it. I've been doing it a long time. And right now, for example, I'm doing it with you. I'm feeling extremely happy. Okay, so I said there were five things. 

5. The fifth thing is a great source of happiness for me and I think anybody is when you get told that you've done something well, in other words, when you get positive feedback. Now I know because I used to run workshops for years and years and years people at work, for example are saying my boss doesn't give me any positive feedback. You know what, go ask for it, go and ask your boss and say, How am I going? Tell me what I'm doing well? Tell me what I'm not doing so well. So you can ask and get feedback, if you want to. 

For me, a recent example of getting positive feedback is, so I've just written the book. And yes, I'm going to plug it. It's called, If I Were You: A Psychologist Puts Himself On The Couch, I'm the psychologist on the couch, obviously. And it's a book about how to make peace with your past, how to kind of get to know yourself better, how to increase your self-awareness, and how to get r-energized about the future, because I think everyone's a little burnt out after the pandemic, and they need a bit of a tune up to move forward, I have been so humbled and thrilled by a number of people who have read the book, who have said to me that it really made them think, you know, they can think about their father or they made them think about the child or the relationship they're in right now. Or it made them think about what's the purpose of their life and how they need to kind of reengineer that going forward, or just make them think about whether they are an introvert or an extrovert or an optimist or a pessimist. And to have received feedback like that, that the book has made them think about their lives is exactly what I intended it to be and is a great source of happiness for me, because I know that I've done something that has really helped me. So they're the five things that make me happy.

Jake Pearson  06:26

Peter, thank you so much for sharing. Those are very insightful. And they all come with great pieces of advice that those who are listening at home right now, wherever you're watching on YouTube, Spotify, iTunes can take that and apply that to their own life. And you don't have to take it all on board. But maybe just pick one thing that resonated with you. And start with that you can connect with Peter, and go follow him on his social media platforms and even check out his book. 

Peter, thank you so much for coming on and sharing all things in your life around your happiness. 

Thanks for listening to the podcast. We hope it gives you something to think about on your quest to discover what makes you happy. Don't forget to leave a review or a comment and follow us on all our social media platforms so you can see our upcoming guests calendar. Thanks for listening. We'll see you next time!